I Have Been A Communications Fuck-Up For Decades

They say the first step in fixing a problem is to admit that you have one. Well, I'm saying it now: I don't think I've ever properly communicated very well for my entire life. I can trace bad communication back to my childhood. We were out at a mall, and I honestly wanted to show her a cheap plastic balloon set, so I tried walking outside with it. The hope that she would bring me back inside to pay for it. That didn't work out so well. I was legitimately confused when she and the store manager had a long discussion about what I was really trying to do that day. I was trying to communicate to my mother in a way I thought she'd understand. I expected her to say something like: "Oh look, young Benjamin walked all this way from the toy store to show me something!" Sadly, I didn't get the plastic balloons.

Fast forward decades later, and I'm still fucking up communication.

I generally have no idea to communicate properly, but in 2019, It's my resolution. As far as you're concerned, you will see me doing better communication with this blog. I've kept up a reasonable blogging schedule, so I think I can keep doing this without driving myself mad.

Alright. I've already got the idea for the next blog post, so I think we're getting somewhere.

I Can't Deal With People, Not Even When Good Food Is On The Line

One of the hardest things for me to do is to have a straight-up deal. People always want to add bullshit, adjust parameters, play dumb, try to game, avoid compromise, assume favorable positions, and just behave in disingenuous manners. I think people don't believe what I actually say for some reason. 

 For example, I was going to meet up to eat at a cool restaurant with someone that I hadn't seen in a while. (We were both into checking out cool food places.) We were going to work out some things and catch up. The deal was that we would both split the bill for the dinner. Later on, though, they said that the meeting would be a part of their birthday week. I didn't think think much of it. 

 A few days later I hopped into heavy LA traffic to make my way to the meetup. I got a call and then a text while I was driving, so I pulled over and returned the call. Turns out the person was just checking on my ETA. Cool. But somewhere in the quick banter, the birthday week was mentioned again. I had to call the person on that little bit of verbal subterfuge. Well then they confessed that they expected me to pay for dinner. I hung up, got back in the car, and turned around. That relationship is basically over now.

 So yeah, I've been told that I'm hard to deal with. I've also been told that I'm quite particular. Whatever. If getting things in order is a problem when you're dealing with people's money, time, energy, etc. then life around me will be a problem. Going forward, I'm going to be much MORE of a hardass in dealing with clown behavior. But I'm in a happier place, so I'll be less of a grump about it. The blows will come faster, but will feel softer. 

It's 2019. 
Let's go.